Tracing the steps of my life as it crosses the bridge from all about me to all about Jesus.

Where my life is going.

This has been an interesting year for me.  If I was to break it down I would say the first part of this year was showing me the depths of what is possible and what I have been called to.  The summer was about character development and mind renewal.  Now here I am in what I am calling the season of no nets.

I knew He has said the time was now to step out and I was ready.

At least I thought I was….

I told Him I was….

Yet some key pieces were still missing.  I was going about life.  Having a flexible part-time job and accepting some contract web work on the side that has sustained me.  In my free time I would worship, be in the word, write some teachings and work on book writing.  All to be ready and to steward the words GOD has given me.

Then one day last month, I got frustrated with The Lord.

A few doors opened and while I have provision to cover my needs, I don’t have even a dime extra. I don’t have extra to travel, so I have turned down some invitations.  The house I live in sold and I need to move.  My truck that I loved lived its life and I am transportation less.  I was really upset.  I didn’t understand.  People who know me know I will follow where The Lord calls every time.  That I walk on, regardless of fear.  I thought I was the master of punching fear in the face and that my trust level in Christ was high. I thought I was solid in this area.  GOD however, had another idea.  He thought it was time for an upgrade.  So He asked me.

“Why are you keeping safety nets?”

Ouch!  Wait!  What?  Are you telling me GOD, that my life looks like I live with safety nets?  Yeah, all this extra I have just laying around.   MAD.  Let me be honest, I was mad and offended.

The #1 thing I wrestle with in my mind is:  Does my life have fruit of the crazy decisions I make, or am I just being irresponsible.  And here GOD is telling me I am not crazy enough?

But again all I heard was “Why are you keeping safety nets?”

One thing I know about this question is that GOD wasn’t looking for me to explain. He had something to show me.  He was hoping I would ask.  So I did.  “What safety nets?”

Holy Spirit started showing me at least a handful of places where fear of man and worry about finances were keeping me from fully committing to His call.  I am still working on what to lay down and how to even do it but what I do know is I have to plunge ahead.  These are the things I am doing.

*I have started a new FB page called “When God Speaks”.   I am stepping into my calling as a prophet which means I have both words to give and that my heart is to train and equip the saints.  This name seems to cover all those bases.  I would be honored if you would follow my page and engage in the conversation.

*I have created a file for invitations that I am believing The Lord to provide the up-front finances for

*I will be recording some teachings and words and putting together a strategy for posting them online.

*I have told The Lord that I want to release all my safety nets and asked Him to help me cut those loose.  Oh, how He responded.  My two web build contracts that would have been my provision for the end of the year both feel though.  I still am working my part time job but GOD is making it clear, that is not something I will be doing for long (which is emotionally sad for me because I love it and it is a passion of mine)

*I am taking my trust to a whole new level.  Christ has already been so faithful.  Every time even the littlest though of reconsideration to wait and play it safe comes in, my phone rings with a friend with a word.  I get a text message.  Someone comes up to me and says I have been on their mind more these last few weeks then normal.

*I am asking people to partner with me: In many and every way.  Please pray. Please share any words you get. Please continue to be encouraging.  And this is the hardest part to ask and an area where GOD has been clear that I don’t fully trust Him, because I think it is more responsible to work and support the ministry by myself, that ask for help to be in this ministry with 100% of my time and self to get it off the ground.  If you feel the leading from The Lord to support me and When GOD speaks on a monthly level or in a one time donation towards transportation, non-profit filing, travel, and general living, please contact me and I will give you my pay-pal info.

Thank you for taking the time to read this and for believing in Christ in me and the hope of His calling.  I am blessed.

Becky

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Imagine

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About 2 years ago during Supernatural school our instructor passed out random objects and we held them while the other students prophesied over us.  The words were short.  Little things that came to mind as they saw me holding this word made of wood.

One of the word was The Lord was going to do more than I could ever dream. That Holy Spirit would take my dreams, no matter how big or outlandish and invite me to imagine even more that those big dreams contained.

Right now in my life, those big dreams I added my imagination to are not all a reality. But there is such a shift. I can see the details lining up. That includes

The things that are challenging.

The things that I have to let go of.

The things that have been lost

The areas of lack

The places of fear

BUT it also includes:

The cover of His rich love

The provision for my needs

The people GOD has put in my life whose love is constant

The growth and revelation 

The increased intimacy between Christ and I. 

 

Ecclesiastics has it right:  To everything there is a season. 

 

Plane ride convo

 

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I posted this quote on FB and it has been rolling around in my head for weeks

When the faithful saturate their schedules with Christian events at Christian venues with Christian people, the world has a hard time believing we hold the rest of the world in high esteem. -Gabe Lyon

With the question of what things do I need to shift or add in my life to make sure that I am not segregating myself to a exclusive group of people who believe what I believe, act like I act, and do the things I do,  I headed to the airport to return to Vacaville from Tulsa.

I was flying stand-by.  It took a long time to get home.  I was bumped from a total of 9 flights in two cities before I finally got the last seat, a middle exit row seat.  I boarded the plane close to last and as I sat down I realized the two men in my row were talking about the work the window seat guy did in third world counties providing wheel chairs to those who need them.  I quickly joined the conversation.

It sounded pretty cool.  He was explaining how in some places the chairs have to look and work different because of the terrain.  The exciting stories about what it took to get in some countries.  So I asked him, “what is your company?  Is it a ministry, or do you just do it personally?  The following is the exchange that followed

He laughed:  “It’s not A ministry.  I make a point not to work with ministries or churches”

ME: “Oh, why not, it sounds like something Christians would be interested in.”

HIM:  “You would think, but until they can evangelize you and get you saved, or you make a deal with them that they can hand out Bibles or other literature, they won’t work with you and trying to work with them is a pain in the ass.”

ME: “Wow, I am sorry about that.  I’m a Christian and I think it sucks that is your experience.”  “I lived a long time in The Bible Belt, I know how religious systems can kind of take over and govern decisions.  In the long run though I think they have the best of intent.

HIM:  “Yeah.  I grew up in Church.  I believe in GOD and all. I just don’t buy into the exclusivity of it.  There is an unspoken rule;  I can’t be your friend or work with you, even doing good, unless you are my project.  No one wants to be someone else project, not even the people I give wheelchairs too.'”

Then the other guy chimed in and the conversation went a different way.  The wheels in my head were turning.

How many wonderful people, doing good things for the world are out there and we don’t know them?  We won’t work with them? We don’t love them or the people they love,  just because they are not Christians?  There is so much here that I will be pondering this next week.
 

 

Change and growth

“Growth without change is impossible. Significant growth without significant change is impossible.”–Dean Radtke    treegrow

WOW.  This grabbed me today.

Then a friend of mine posted on FB on the subject of how much more there is to know about The Lord.  Which sparked my own conversation with GOD.  I came to the conclusion that the change that brings the significant growth can only come from encounter which leads to the renewed mind.

This was my response to his post:

I had this realization of the depth and wonder of The Lord reading Revelations 4:5-about 15 I think. It is the 4 living creatures who fall on their face and worship. The word says they do that for eternity. I wondered about why they had eyes all over their body. I was asking GOD for some incite to this and I heard one of the pastors at my church sharing that Holy Sprit has showed him that the eyes were for unlimited perspective. 

Being able to see GOD on the throne from so many different angles, ways, and view points is what kept them worshiping. As The Word explains every time the creatures gather themselves and start to flap their wings and move, they get a gimps of GOD from a new perspective and down they go, singing Holy Holy. 

I hold a core value that because Jesus said that we would see greater things then He saw while on earth and that we would do greater things then He did once the Holy Spirit came on Pentecost, if it is in the Bible it is available to us. So while I am currently on earth and not in Heaven I can’t be directly in front of the throne with the 4 creatures I can ask GOD to give me the ability to see Him in everything and in new ways. That is what keeps it exciting for me. That is what keeps me thankful and my heart exploding with “Holy Holy is The Lord GOD almighty.

There is a song by Lifehouse that has the lyric “how can I stand her with you and not be moved by You?  Great question.

If we are really encountering Christ, isn’t change a part of that.  Shouldn’t being moved. Shouldn’t a renewed mind and growth as a by product of that be what we experience?

Within that encounter, within that change of perspective and ideas, wouldn’t growth be the natural outcome?  I am mostly verbal/writing processing this here.  What are your thoughts?

 

The Return of Joy

At some point you just have to drive a stake into the ground.

So I did.

Looking in the mirror I realized I had lost my joy, I was tired or the things I was doing & not doing. I was tired of being frustrated. I was tired of sickness. I was tired of mourning death.

I was tired of being tired.

So I took steps to rediscover myself.  One of the first things I did was pick up a book.  A real book.  And read it.  AHHH!  The floods of joy were overwhelming.                   books

How could I have let life and the internet take away those times with a book.  I realized the only thing I had read in a little over a year was the Bible and even that was in survival mode, not for joy or for revelation.

This may seem like a silly thing to be the start of break through but GOD works in mysterious ways and a core value of  my life is that STORY MATTERS. So I will take it.

The picture is of all the books I am currently reading.  What are you reading?  What would you suggest I add to my pile?

I Love A Rainy Night.

This Sat is 1 year since my dad passed away. 

My sister-in-law had brain surgery for a brain hemorrhage that was wrapped around her brain stem last week. 

I have been sick for over 2 weeks and still recovering from a Kidney infection.

I found out yesterday that the Dr wants me to come in on Fri to discuss test results.   Which does not seem encouraging.

My mom is trying to be positive but she is worried about all of us and this is one tough week for her.

I am more than worried about finances with sickness and all this time off.

I’m at that stage where I am not sleeping and feeling sick all the time but simple stuff like emptying the dishwasher or taking a shower means its nap time.

The last two days have been the hardest.  I can’t be with my family this weekend because of illness and cost.  I can’t drive yet because of the pain drugs (which I am slowly working myself off of).  I don’t know where I would go if I could drive.  I can’t stop thinking about bills, family, my dad, why I am not recovering faster, what else could be wrong.  I don’t know how much more TV I could watch or books I could read or how many more times I could read the same stuff on FB.

THEN THE RAIN CAME.  THE WIND A LITTLE THUNDER.  I SAW LIGHTNING ONCE AND THE RAIN.

It got me thinking about this Eddie Rabbitt song my dad liked.  He had the 8 track. 🙂  It made me feel a little better.  It reminded me of something to be thankful for.  I am trying to focus on the thankful.  Being thankful and recounting the thankful is what is keeping me from the big black hole I feel like I could fall into at any moment

Thankfulness really is a powerful weapon.

Here is that Eddie Rabbitt song.  I’m thankful for my Dad, and a rainy night.

   I want to go

where they tell me its impossible

fan the flames and walk on water

I’ve got Heaven locked up in these bones

This song, “Heart Beats” has become my prayer.

In the last 2-3 weeks something has happened to me.  I don’t have words, I am not even sure I fully understand.

What I do know is it is a shift, a huge shift.  And shift means change. I am good with change I actually enjoy it. I want life to be adventurous and without change, there is no adventure, only normality.

 I realized something today.                images

                      I  am not doing the impossible.

                                          I am not fanning the flame in my vains.

                                                                    I am definitely not walking on water.

 I am using finances, that are not even great, as an excuse to keep one foot on the shore.

 I have dozens of testimonies of GOD coming though for me in the 12th hour.  I am thankful for those but I am convicted that I have few testimonies where I made a specific choice that required me to plant my feet in faith.  I want the benefits of radical faith but I am not living it.  At least not to the degree I want to.

 I want the choices in my life, to match up to the passion of the songs that are the prayers and soundtracks of my life.

 I want to see The Living GOD love people in such radical ways that everything they know about life and who they are created to be changes and I am willing to take any risks and pay any price to be a part of that love.

 I have drawn yet another line in the sand, now it is time to take a step of faith over it.

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