I am a person of extremes. I have tried in the past to stay closer to the middle ground but that just isn’t how this girl is wired. I am fierce in my loves and hates. A few weeks ago after GOD had spoke to me to stop making excuses or how He created me and know that those who bless me will be blessed and those who disregard His favor on my life will miss out I called my mom. This is a hard word for me to process on a few levels.
having a complete peace with who GOD made me. For example I could be healthier and thinner and there is no problem in trying to better myself in that way but the favor on my life that extends out of my life to the world and those around me isn’t contingent on if people think I look good enough. This is really had in the guy department. One side of me says “YES” this is totally true. I am a blessing, I have favor with Christ, I AM a daughter of The King of Kings and His gifts flow though me in many ways. But earthly reality still says men look first for physical attractiveness, even when their words say otherwise. Actions always speak louder than words.
Those that bless me or accept me will be blessed and those that don’t will not receive the particular blessing that comes from Christ in me. This is Biblical, I’m not the first person to receive this word and I am not the only person GOD has spoke this over. I can’t even count the number of people GOD has asked me to love, pray for, or give words too. Those that have accepted and embraced me or the words prayerfully have seen GOD come work. Others who say thanks but disregard what GOD is offering them lives stay much the same in the area they could have had breakthrough. Let me say right here that I don’t believe for a second that GOD might not use other things or different approach to whatever is facing those that discount GOD’s gift in me. I know there were several times when GOD tried to bless me or teach me things and I just wouldn’t get it but He continued to come after me from different directions. This is why this word is hard. I see its truth but I in no way think I am it. The Holy Spirit doesn’t only used me. GOD’s word however, constantly promises us power, blessing, wisdom, and that we are to use those things in community. Story after story teaches us that blessings, healing, support, encouragement, warnings, come mostly from GOD’s power though others in our lives.
I am working on this. I believe this word is for my whole life but I know it is a step I need to take toward whoever my husband is. Mostly I have gotten over it but Tulsa still comes with this stigma for me that you have to look and act a certain way. You have to be sold out but not to crazy. Somehow having passion that runs so deep seems scary, but it takes that passion to face the gates of Hell and still be standing, that is something I know first hand. My list of needs and wants has changed as I come out the other side of the last few years. Finally I want what GOD wants, and I want a man who wants that too. I don’t care so much what he looks like. He has to have is a fierce love for Christ, a desire to encourage each other in our individual relationships with Christ but at the same time committed to building one together. I don’t care what he does but he has to have a passion, a dream, a sense that He knows GOD has called him to influence the world; be it the world on a grand scale or just our neighbor. I want him to be the kind of person who takes some chances, the biggest one being on me. Someone that knows earthly work is good and Biblical but also has a deep trust for GOD’s provision. I want someone who is more concerned with how we fit together to serve GOD then he is concerned with how I look, although I want to strive to look great for him. Family must be important to him. I live far away from my family but they are still one of the most important things in my life. Family and their issues can’t be considered an intrusion or frustration. Unexpected things and age happens to every family and like anything else you can’t have the great times without the hard. I feel that a man who demonstrates in his single life the importance of family can be counted on to be a great father. So that’s my list of requirements, or hopes. I am confident in these things are in a guy out there somewhere. I have put a lot of prayer into this and I feel GOD and I made the list together.
Then there are the things I just would like. They won’t be deal breakers but you know I am the daughter of The King and what Father doesn’t want his girl to have everything she wants. I really, really want him to come from my church. I am not leaving my church. I moved back to Tulsa specifically because GOD said I have a calling to that church. Of course any guy could start going there and that might be what happens but I just would rather he was already rooted in the same community I am. I have dozens of reasons for this but this post is already long enough. I want us to have things in common that we can do together. I am a art junkie so it would be nice to find someone who appreciates that as well, especially the theater. Adopt, I really want to adopt a child. I want to have at least one of my own but man age is creeping up on my pretty quick. I pray and hope that GOD would bring a guy around or out of the woodwork quickly. I believe it’s Him that has quickened my heart to desire this so strongly over the last year. In 38 years I don’t ever remember being almost in pain that I would suddenly meet him or that the phone would ring and someone I had not even considered would be reaching out to want to give it a chance. But GOD has His timing, so patients is another thing I learn. Sometimes being a girl sucks.
I am just so excited to start a new phase in life. To start a journey hand in hand with someone as we walk down the path Christ lays out before us. I am excited to have family, others to focus my love and attention on. I am excited to be a blessing to my husband. I am excited he will be a blessing to me. Emotionally there is no middle ground with me, so when he comes hes getting everything. All GOD has created me and all the love I have to give, which is a lot.