Tracing the steps of my life as it crosses the bridge from all about me to all about Jesus.

21 years ago this month I turned 18.  I was on the top of the world.  I had wonderful friends, I loved the plays we were doing that year.  I had 4 admission auditions set up with primer theatre schools in the country, I had an awesome boyfriend.

When I opened the gift my parents got me I never would have guessed this would be  the first of many let downs in the year ahead.  The year was very tough for my parents financially so I didn’t expect much.  I had asked for one thing.   The soundtrack from Les Mis.    I had seen it live earlier that year and fell in love.   After dinner when my parents handed me a gift that I knew was a cassette (it was 21 years ago) I tore into the wrapping so excited only to find “The Little Mermaid” soundtrack.  WHAT!!!  I was crushed but my best acting skills took over and my parents still don’t know it is my most hated gift ever.  It wasn’t the gift it was that they didn’t hear me.   They didn’t understand me.  They thought music was music, they never considered how emotionally I connect with it.

The rest of my 18th year was horrible. After getting accepted to 3 amazing schools my father said he would not pay and was not even willing to fill out financial aid forms if theatre was to be my major. I moved in with my boyfriend only to have him turn abusive, steal my car, credit cards and ruin my credit.   My relationship with my parents deeply wounded I blamed GOD.  I quite church, YL and let my Christian friends slip though my hands.    I was so hurt and offended by GOD. I could not even start to understand how He could have put this gift in me and yet did not make a way for it.  I did not understand how a guy I had dated for over a year could turn into someone I didn’t know and who obviously never knew or cared for me.

Fast forward to Nov 14th 1991.  A birthday party thrown for my by my best friend I got a card with a gift certificate inside to Bubbles Records “This can only be used for the new U2 album out next week”    The inscription on the card said I know last years gift of music hurt you. I hope this years gift can heal you, after all they are your fav.  Love Jackie.

Jackie was prophetic that day.

Achtung Baby goes up and down in popularity.  When it was out, everyone loved the tour and what they were doing in music but little credit was given to the depth of the lyric.   But I found it.  Every song on this album spoke deep to me.  It has always been on of my two favorites.  I used to put Joshua Tree at the top.  How can you not, but I realized that Joshua Tree will always be the album of my life that is about community.  It is the album I turned up and sang with friends.  It is a road trip favorite.    Achtung Baby will always be the album of my soul.  Bono’s lyrics  and the music that carries them are abstract  and colorful.  That is how I think, see and process.  I get every life and spiritual point he is making.  I feel every deep hurt, longing, and healing touch the album offers.

I just got of the phone with my mom.  She told me that my family all wants to contribute to get me the box set for the 20th anniversary of Achtung Baby.It is amazing what GOD can do!  How He heals and what he uses to do it.  I know a big part of the restoration that came to me, my parents and to my life in general  is the hours I spent using this album as the  voice to my emotions and as my cries to GOD.

All U2 fans love this album but I can truly say this is the album of my life.  I am thankful for the boys that fought for their band and the gifts that GOD placed in them.

It only took one bad birthday, a year of devastation, 20 years and one phone call about a pending gift for me to finally see it.    Man, I can be slow.  🙂

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